Sometimes in the midst of a moment, in a split second you consciously smile and surmise to yourself, “I know that I’m never going to forget this.” No matter the time or place, you know that you will always remember what happened; it’s just timeless.
When I was sixteen, I found myself stag at a Winter Formal Dance, but that didn’t damper my mood. Although I didn’t technically have a date, I was having so much fun dancing around with my friends to our favorite songs and other obscure songs that I would never hear again. Out of nowhere the music changed, and Bruno Mars’ “It Will Rain” interrupted my good time. My friends paired off with their dates, and I was left by myself surrounded by couples. Awkwardly I made my way through the dancing couples and waited off to the side of the dance floor. In that moment, I never felt more humiliated. I could feel people looking at me. My cheeks were burning and it took every ounce of my very being to not cry.
In retrospect, it hardly seems as humiliating as it felt to me, but to this day when I hear that song it reminds me of that time in my life when I felt so alone. I remember when I told him that story, he told me that it didn’t seem like a big deal. At the time, I was kind of disappointed that he didn’t show more sympathy. But actions speak louder than words.
I remember the exact store we were in when it happened, it was Pottery barn at the mall. We were only in there to kill time before he checked into his hotel room. It’s so strange how every detail is still so clear to me even though it happened years ago. I was looking at a wooden spoon among the rest of the kitchenware. Then I heard it, “If you ever leave me baby, leave some morphine at my door.” Internally I flinched. I told him that I wanted to leave, I never said why. He pulled me close to him; he smelled sweet but musky, I could feel the rhythmic patter of his heart, I couldn’t help but smile to myself. We started to sway. Right there in the middle of Pottery barn, to a song that I despised, we slow danced; it was my first time. In that moment as we were dancing, I knew that as time unfolded before me, that I would never forget that feeling, knowing that someone loved me and knew just what I needed without even exchanging words. No matter the time or place, I know that I will always remember. It’s etched into both my mind and heart; ageless, it will withstand over time.